I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Terrible idea I love it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
