Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
