every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
