I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Who wears a wallet chain?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
