Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need to align my fucking chakras
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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