Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Panties = found
Randomize
