I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
