You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
