Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
