I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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