maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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