Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk is not a location!
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