Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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