I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
