I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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