1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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