You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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