Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
