were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize