i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
