arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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