Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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