so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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