my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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