I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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