i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
