So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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