drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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