Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize