the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
