dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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