if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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