If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
