yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
