Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
