Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
