she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
