call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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