You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
