i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
