you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
