wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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