so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
