I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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