My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize