im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
