Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
