I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
