Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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