So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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