I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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