you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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