I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
