sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
