the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
