Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
