That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
