Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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