I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
