you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
