But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
