that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
