thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
