Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
