Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
