after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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