Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
