Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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