so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
As shirtless as possible
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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