Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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