Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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