Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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