I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
