just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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