does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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