I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
